I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
