barbara walters just said penis...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
