I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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