Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
