So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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