Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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