I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
