god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
