they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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