R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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