Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
