u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
