She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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