id be glad to
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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