I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
