Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
