You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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