they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
