No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
They are going to name an STD after you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
