dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
