if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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