I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
