I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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