Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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