Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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