Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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