I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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