In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize