just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
