i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
