I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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