Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
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You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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