I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
