Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I currently don't understand fingers.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
