And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
