i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
