Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
God, I missed his penis.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
