she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
