Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
