we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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