he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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