Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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