Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
