i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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