So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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