Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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