okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
