just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
