plz talk dirty to me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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