haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
