so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
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Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
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Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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