I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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