Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
