I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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