we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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