you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
