I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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