remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
