He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
