Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
