I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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