There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you didnt know i had herpes?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
