Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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