Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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