Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
