I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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