hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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