i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
