What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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