I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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