I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
